Life Codes

When people think of relationships often there is an assumption that there is only intimate, personal, work or blood relationships. This is simply not true. Although all of these have purpose and are necessary in so many ways – the relationship we have with ourselves is by far the most important.

A lot of us don’t have the most beneficial relationships with ourselves. What we don’t realise is that just like every other relationship in life, it requires work, patience, and time.

The way we see, speak and treat ourselves is so crucial. When you think about it, we can’t expect to treat someone we care about like trash and then want to be treated with respect in return. So why do so many of us do it to ourselves?

When we wake up in the morning, when we fall asleep and all throughout the day – we have got us. It will be like that for the rest of our lives. Why not work at that relationship to make it the strongest one we have?

Learning how to build a better relationship with yourself is important because it affects not only your self esteem, but also your quality of life. Continue reading for some of the best ways to build a more stable and healthy relationship with yourself. Be the best version you can be.

Know your Worth and Mean it

Psychology Today states that “Knowing your worth and believing that you are indeed worth it is essential for happiness and well-being.” Experts suggest that adopting prosocial goals, reducing external contingencies and focusing on your strengths all help with self worth.

Knowing your worth looks like saying no when you don’t want to do something. It looks like putting yourself first and it looks like allowing yourself room to be away from ‘toxic’ people and situations.

When you surround yourself with toxic people and situations you:

• Are unable to see what more you are capable of
• Allow stress to take up too much room in your life
• Become dependent on those who bring toxicity, as they tend to have the need for control
• Neglect your needs and dreams
• Break trust with yourself, and others

Even though letting go of someone who brings you down can be hard, if you do this it will create more room for growth and opportunity in your life. Therefore creating a stronger foundation between you, and yourself.

I have attached a list of ‘do’s and don’ts of toxic behaviour’ from Healthline Direct. This information will give you guidance on what to do if you are in this position.

Healthlines ‘do’s and don’ts of toxic behaviour’.

Set Boundaries

This step goes hand in hand with the step above. Setting boundaries looks different for everybody, but all boundaries are set for the same reason. They are basic guidelines of how people treat you and behave in your company.

You can set boundaries with every relationship in your life, including the one with yourself.

Some people will not know how to treat you until they know what your boundaries are. Some may even try cross those boundaries and it’s up to you to identify what you are and are not okay with.

When people continue to step over boundaries that you have put in place, you lose trust with yourself. This is because you create room for people to disrespect your needs and wants. You are allowing others to step over these instead of walking away. You can not tell yourself one thing and then do another and expect trust to be built from that.

By setting boundaries and letting others suffer consequences when they are ignored, or simply abused – you are developing strong trust and a healthier relationship with yourself.

Wellness Centre says that boundaries are important because they are a form of self care and they honour our needs and wants so we feel respected and safe.

Create Healthy Habits

Do your daily habits reflect the type of relationship you want with yourself?

Or does it reflect the opposite?

According to research, around 40% our daily behaviour is controlled by our habits.

Amazing isn’t it? That if we knuckled down and really trained ourselves to create healthier habits – we could potentially live a better life?

The best advice I’ve received on habits, advice that truly changed the way I thought about them was the book by James Clear ‘Atomic Habits’. He explains that habits are essentially the small decisions you make and actions you perform every day and that your life, is the sum total of your habits.

“What you repeatedly do (I.e what u spend your time thinking about and doing each day) ultimately forms the person you are, the things you believe and the personality you portray”. – James Clear.

So it is ‘clear’. To build a stronger and healthier bond with yourself, habits need to be worked on and implemented to really make a difference.

Be Healthy

A healthy mind in a healthy body is key to growing a strong relationship within yourself.

Mental Health

https://toronto.cmha.ca/documents/benefits-of-good-mental-health/

States that “with good mental health we can be creative, learn, try new things and take risks.” They also say that when things in life happen that are sad, or emotional, we are able to yet be happy again. Good mental health provides stability and trust within ourselves that we will eventually always be okay.

This speaks for itself, to be able to deal with life with grace and the ability to always get through, we have to take care of our mental health.

Physical Activity

Now I know pretty well that most of us are aware of the physical benefits living an active life style has to offer. So I won’t list much. Although, did you know that physical activity shows huge improvement in mental health as well? If you did that’s great – but most people work out for the sake of a more toned body or to lose a few pounds. Very rarely do we hear “I exercise because it’s good for my mind and a strong mind means I can build an even stronger relationship with myself”.

If we heard more of this then people would really reap the benefits physical activity has to offer.

Diet

I will also be mentioning diet. This is because we are surrounded by a society that is more than not consuming food that tastes good but is low quality. Wether it’s you, or people you know, there is always room to improve diet. This is why: Eating more fresh products with the correct vitamins and minerals for our body can allow the brain to function properly – not only does it decrease risk of disease but it puts you in a more ideal headspace and makes you feel better. Therefore, building a better relationship with yourself.

Should I say it louder for those in the back?

BEING HEALTHY MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY WILL GREATLY IMPROVE THE RELATIONSHIP YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF!

Practice Mindfulness and Gratitude

Being grateful let’s you see what blessings you already have in your life. It can create an ease when things in life get hard. It creates a space to surrender to life itself and allow anything outside of your control to be, and deal with grace. Being mindful helps you see the moment for what it is and become more connected to yourself and your actions on a regular basis.

When you show gratitude regularly and become more mindful in your life, blessings tend to roll in. That’s because you have changed your mindset from a ‘what if’ to an ‘I have’. This is so important because you become more thankful for the little things and more open to new ideas.

Research says that gratitude “has far reaching affects and can improve relationships.” (Including the one with ourselves).

The best way to be mindful is to allow your thoughts not to shadow over every movement. To have moments where you’re simply just doing nothing. Things like meditation, journaling and admiring the beauty of life all contribute to both gratitude and mindfulness.

Gratitude Journal here.

Surround yourself with Friends and Family – and a Good Support System

When you surround yourself with positivity, you are more inclined to see life as happening for you and not to you. You adopt more empowering belief systems. This shift can be so beneficial because it allows you to let go and surrender to the journey.

Family and friends are one of the best places to go for support because they know who you are and are able to give you the support you are wanting. Sometimes, this is not the case and by that I mean we sometimes avoid both of those groups of people because we actually don’t feel supported enough. In this situation it’s important to open up and express how you feel, sometimes to get support all you have to do is say that you need it.

Just as you benefit when you surround yourself with people who make you happy, you suffer when those in your business or social circles are negative or narrow-minded.

Over the phone support.

Counselling.

To Wrap it Up

So many aspects come into the relationship held within you. This article has only showed a minor amount of what could be worked on, although this is a fantastic place to start.

How you act towards yourself has the potential to make or break your life. By being kind and acting with compassion when things get difficult you are allowing yourself the freedom to grow.

Begin with these 6 steps and you will see massive change in how you view and treat yourself.

Small steps lead to big change.